fittings fittings fittings fittings
show show show shows…blah blah blah. SHOTS! please :}
i wanna go home. feeling a bit blue. blue is the color this time around. AH, i try really hard to not drown in still waters, but sadly, they are overflowing. I want to go home now, and see my mum n dad and my puppy. Would like that very much. And make some tea. And watch some TV. .. simple things. cookies.
when all else fails, it’s the friendships and the people in your life that make it bearable and perfect again.
well just looking so to speak. i’ve been thinking about getting inked for a while now, just that can never get anything too visible, at least not now. and just few days ago i got a great idea about inking my fingers. i’ve seen quiet a few people around castings in last few days with such things. im still shopping around for ideas, but i am most certainly settled on thai buddhism symbolism, as just recently i have been introduced to a lot of people who influenced my ideas towards this, and opened my eyes for a lot new things. it’s sort of like opening another chapter and wanting to mark it as it has been significant in all aspects. i’ve also seen few people with symbolism tattoos and they all look good. will be getting it done the old school bamboo needle way. right after fashion week of course. also as well, “dont panic” will also get inked somewhere along the way.
i am so burnt out by now. both mentally and physically. i shall take a week off after all this craziness is over and have some time off to finally think and figure out which direction life is headed towards right now.
yes, i dont like a lot of things.
yes, i do like a lot of new things i discovered.
yes, i feel sorry for the things that happened.
yes, i believe that there are no coinsidences and everything happens the way it should and leads towards the next chapter. questions and answers become clear. information is shared.
max sent me these. of his poster coloring project. fun fun ++ made me very happy, it was a magical weekend, full of experiences and shared inspirations. again, very melancholic also for that loss of sense and the horrible things planet k experiences and does at times. it’s a learning experience, learning from ones mistakes. learning while young and free at heart. you exist, you learn. you fuck shit up, you get some band aids and stick those over. i got a full box of band aids at hand. pink with stars, and hello kitty.
fashion week castings.
sleep deprivation.
all these stressful situations. and what for? what are we if not connected, if not dwelling in the same dimension whether it may be higher or lower.
more sleep deprivation.
hallucinations.
k.
h.
it all falls into place.
wonderland.
so when do we hit the ground and rest for a bit? when does the aircraft land?
aircraft has landed. it crashed. it ceased to formulate itself into any apparent stimulation of mind.
therefore, here i stand..
don’t mind me. thoughts. that’s all these are while knobi’s messing with his psytrance. i need to sleep, thats what i need to do. i need to stop thinking, need to stop dwelling, if just for a moment.
the craziness of the fashion week madness that kicks in full speed tomorrow. Just two weeks of crazy schedules and nasty attitudes… then I’m off to the alien dance floors to get rid of all the stress. I will need it.
all the sleepless nights spent contemplating and discovering unknown playgrounds. and here’s to all the sleepless nights full of inspiration and altered thoughts. falling through the rabbit hole, yes, always falling. stuck in the orbit, but not for long. Only in dreams are you free, and only in dreams do you find yourself and make peace with your mind. But what are dreams if not us? What are dreams if not mirrors showing us what we are afraid of. What are dreams but suppressed fears in the state of the conscious. And how are we sane, after all we travel each night?
No, we are not. Not all of us are sane. Not all of us are human. Not all of us are here.
Chinese new year shall bring changes. Changes rise and memories erupt.
here’s to those forgotten paths in dream land, and those hidden doors some of us feared to open.
I spin around the sun. But this orbit isn’t mine anymore. This orbit has ceased it’s frequencies. This orbit is now a free fall in space.
they all say the same shit, kid.
do this, do that, fall here, fall thru there, then land there and be stuck right in there.
So here’s a bit something that inspired me greatly, said by one of my closest alien acquaintances.
‘you know some people fall through the rabbit hole into wonderland…other people just keep falling through the rabbit hole…I feel like that …like its always just been the rabbit hole…and we meet people in the rabbit hole…other people who are falling…never landing ‘
I am one of those people who are always falling. And I have met those who have started their fall long before mine, and yet are still falling. It’s always like that, and no other way. Yes, often times I’d look upon those that have landed and stand still pondering what it’s like to have the feeling of stable ground and touch the walls. But then I take a jump back and realize that I could never stand still and maybe to touch the ground once in a while does seem like a soothing ending, but I don’t want my experiences to end. I am falling through the rabbit hole, and I am meeting other “fallers” and experiencing the universe from this perspective just opens up all tunnels that lead in and out of the wonderland itself. I put my life on lay away so to speak, I gave stability a raincheck, and for now, it’s nothing but that never ending fall.
there are only so many times you can have your heart broken.
and only so many times you can pick yourself up and forget.
sometimes, you can’t forget. sometimes, there is nothing to forget.
sometimes the circumstances just stand in between and the weak at heart and soul can’t bear to overlook those circumstances to get where and what they want and need.
humans have a tendency to overlook such circumstances more than it should be allowed.
how many times does it take to break someone completely, and how many broken promises and space ships does it take to turn one against oneself?
i dont believe in promises.
the ones i’ve experienced got shattered before they reached their desired destinations.
i could write about a lot of things i do not believe in but what a difference would it make? it wont make me any happier nor will it lead to anything profound.
when you want something, you just gotta reach out and grab it.
the magic to end. who ever said it has to, is obviously living up to their human instincts.
brings a lot of pretty things :}
i like the back photo of my show card, the front….not so much. (i can’t say much on blogs about anything industry related no more as i don’t want much trouble, so we be keepin it nice n clean round here these days ;} hah.)
‘I mean! I mean!! It feels like there are bunnies hopping inside my head! It’s so strange, get them out out out!!’ screamed Aourbit and started to panic.
bunnies are everywhere. i have so much to say on the subject of my crazy living but when it comes down to it, there really isn’t anything i can talk about, since nothing, quite honestly, makes any humanly sense what so ever.
i have these few annoying things with few annoying people stuck in very annoying situations to deal with today. and once that’s done, i am taking off and escaping planet Earth for a bit to vacation around the Moon.
and as always i just have to indulge and feed planet k star with great things said by great man.
| “If one were to take the bible seriously one would go mad. But to take the bible seriously, one must be already mad.” – A. Crowley
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and only good things to look forward to ahead!
yes, i have had my share of these depressing posts.
yes, i have had my share of all the bad things i had to say, and well, will continue saying about people stupidity as that ones just infinite.
yes, i have had my share of short little posts and thoughts that were very strange, and mostly caused by the fact that i have been stuck here on planet Earth for quite some time now.
BUT, there are playgrounds to be explored and a mother ship to be found! So may the explorations begin. Space ships, playgrounds, stars, asteroids, dragons, killer unicorns, and happy hippos. It’s an alien thing, I suppose. It’s planet K star. And it’s back in business.
insecurities in people. love yourselves. make cupcakes. draw rainbows. drink bubble tea. i dunno, make music, make art, make yourselves, make holes, make stars, just do the things that give you that ticklish feeling inside. stop accusing each other about shit, stop constantly trying to work things, when things are fucked, and damn it, just stop worrying, 90% of that shit is NOT TRUE and never will be, it’s a hard medical fact. a hardcore fact!! blow bubbles or something. just saying….
this trip was a bit of everything. i loved it of course, who wouldn’t love to go to the bahamas and walk in amazing shoes?! the only sad part was that it was all work work and no play, meaning no laying around the beach or walking around town. However, me and Jessica did sneak into the pool, but sadly got kicked out since we were there “after hours” even though the receptionists clearly said “go at your own risk”. The show or what it was, was fun. The shoes! AH, love the shoes! Had great sushi also. Can’t beat sushi that makes you go “wow”. The only disappointing part was the flight back to nyc, there was so much turbo, and I am pretty used to it, but this time it was WHACK, i thought i was going to puke my brains out, the whole time the plane was on and off, especially the landing. Flying through thunderstorms sucks. Lucky Jennifer stayed there for another extra week! *jealous* hahah.
i don’t know what to say.
not sure what to write either.
i fell off the bridge i have put there myself that took me nowhere.
now coping with the consequences of the blind and the numb.
i should not have closed my eyes.
hoping that tomorrow never comes. but it does. and it ends. and it goes and comes again. and again.
paranoid. psycho. going mad.
what’s real? where does reality lay? why is it here and not above us? are we awake? are we dreaming? are we imagining our lives? are we not just floating balls and bodies of dust and vanity…sole vanity that vanishes and blends into all, and thus if we are all, why do we stand alone and constantly find ourselves in cries for connectedness? and why then, knowing this, do we let our humanly emotions take over, and leave us broken hearted? leave us chemically imbalanced and twisted? just leave us.
there is no end. nothing ends. nothing begins. it all exists. its all endless. its all shapeless and without matter. its all collided and divided.
so does it matter if we stand still or move? does it matter what we do in flesh and with flesh?
i won’t know till later.
i won’t know anything.
you won’t know anything.
just breathe, they say.
breathe the inhumanities, the immoralities and the ignorance of the world.
i refuse to.
I just don’t understand how people can be so cruel and inconsiderate sometimes towards well, everybody else. I’m sick and fed by constantly being the one that ends up in tears over shit that I have no control over what so ever. Heartless,please, oh how much I’d love to be. That one lack of emotion, that one lacking sense of constructive feelings would save my life one day.
Back in nyc.
Depression level: off the scale.
Anyone even reads this? I hope not, lately I’ve been having some serious mental breakdowns and this shit makes me look like a psycho. Whatever, what do I care? I don’t.
I effin hate ny airports. Mainly for the same reason that I’m stuck in at the moment sitting on the runway in an effin metal can for another hour, due to major overloads and what not they say it is. Sadly enough I also won’t make it on time for my connecting flight. This is when I say: I’d rather be sleeping.
Going to da ba-ha-ma-sssssss. 
for shizzle, gotta see this. well, listen….you get the point.
Im super excited, am going to the bahamas this friday for the versace show. Bahamas!!!!! The main reason for my excitement is that I get to escape the cruel winds of nyc and spend a weekend gettin some vitamin d. I really don’t wanna go to columbia so I hope that editorial won’t come thru, thus I was compelled to write about it. I dunno, there are some whackos out there. I’d be very happy about my bahamas trip enough as it is and plus its right before fashion week and I dun wanna spend time shooting editorials out someplace far. So no no no, don wanna go! anyways…..bahamas baby!!
So they have this new documentary on how to become human, besically the evolution process on nova. But it gave me an idea, that whole nova aspect is a scientific aspect, evolution if you please. I however, decided that how to become human is a bit more complex if you are seaking for your higher being or thought. So despite the evolutionary aspect first just learn how to handle your emotions and mind. Find that diference and that wall that stands in between what you’ve been taught and what you have to find out for yourself. Its just finding out what lays beyond your own conscious mind, and well,that’s the start. Because you have to start somewhere.
I have long lost the ultimate need for materialism, which was a very hard thing to do in this industry and especially this town. But I started noticing how unhappy I was with certainty and this attachment and need to have things and especially the fash world. So I have given that up and found comfort and indulgence in book stores as books are the only true form of knowledge, well they offer knowledge, how and where you collect it is solely up to you.
Another thing is I really stopped understanding people and their emotional attachment to everything around them, including their routine daily rituals. So I broke away from all that and found comfort in the simplicity of things unknown and unexpected. Now it just remains of how much longer till I can break away from society and fade completely to just simple understanding of life and living.
Yes good thoughts! I need those right now.
“Beyond time there is a sensation as of awakening from the utmost impossibility of existence from the ma dreams we call reality; the stupidities we call will.”
When will all this end?
Seriously…when will things end or change or turn themselves inside out? I’m tired of this constant pattern of everything always not fitting where it should and its leading me towards a great deal of frustration. Its just one of these paths you step on and you can never leave or turn back.
Serpentine and black it stands before my eyes…
Oh I wish. Still waiting for that ending. However, if I do sit still, I still manage to somehow get into these situations where I am doing nothing, being miserably upset, and yet ah people imagining things. I suppose humans are hard beings and they never fully learn how to trust or believe for that matter. But why? Why does it have to be so complicated and full of shit? Its all really easy if you just see what’s there rather than let your intuitive badness take over, hay like I mentioned countless times before more than half the things we worry never happen. Humans worry too much.
Ah, these are strange days.
Coco should just go to fox. How retarded is it that nbc is doing all this crap?? Leno had this time, coco is the new generation and besides who wants to stare at lenos chin and lack of good humor after all these years anyways? Screw them all, we want coco!!!!!!!!
your graffiti = magic
so i have finally slept and it felt AAAAAAWWWeeesome! yes, i was that excited and that happy to get my 12 something hours of sleep combined in the last few days. So here’s to another month of sleep deprivation and those 20 castings a day towards fashion week. (grrrrroooooosssssss)
in space.
also located home planet.
crazy shit’s happening.
besides all those these are my other favorite things :} can’t beat cupcakes, and more than that can’t beat vanilla meringues. good start for a fashion week diet! add some pizza, ritters sport chocolates, sun ships, some ben and jerry’s and you got yourself a decent diet. i mean im trying to manage all these calories with exercise and am really working on it, so hay! id rather have my 100 calories of ice cream than protein stuff. trading healthy for yummi. must have sugar! sugar fights mood swings, sugar kills depression! (just let me believe what i believe, aight’)
i found some new in habitants i’d like to host here on planet k star. these are incredibly beautiful.
Valentino said it best on the shoot yesterday, “everybody sucks and every chick bitches”. And as soon as I heard that I knew I’d have to blog it.
what seems to be a case of manic depression. not just any, mark my words, but manic, chronic, cynically incorrect and humanly misunderstood – dep-resss-i-on. it seems to be a melancholic disease affecting the alien wire system located within the humanly constructed brain folds.
but this time im actually proud of these shots.
It has been one hell of a week and tomorrow will be by far the craziest day with me moving around working at three different shoots and still not being able to get a good night sleep. But, I’m not complaining, I mean seriously, I’m not. Once you reach a point of going completely mad you just stop caring about anything and thus saying this out loud to myself is making me feel better. So yes, I am not posting these for anybody elses pleasure but my own. I dispise facebook and what not and I do not do the whole status thing, what I do is this – I take out all my horrible murderous thoughts out here or through writing which for reasons known I can’t post here. Believe it or not I ran into a small issue of being threatened for something I posted a while ago. So now I keep to myself and just express my hatred in a nice humanly way. What’s the point? As marvin from the hitch hikers guide would say (he’s my favorite character by the way, such a tormented depressing little robot heh). Well, I honestly wanted to post some deep thoughts and what not but since I’m wireless limited and my crackberry is running out of juice I am restricted by all means not to. I wish a lot of things would be different than what they are right now, but what is reality to me or anybody else for that matter? What is it but an idea processed through our minds and reflected by our eyes? My reality is well…non existant. Dream worlds, dream land, that’s what should matter. Imagination. Perhaps even that is just another illusion, a trick of your very own mind into summoning you away from point A to point B which for what we know might not even exist at all. And we are standing at point C contemplating both points A and B and still being absolutely and completely clueless while somebody else is observing us from point D.
Being stuck on planet earth has never been more displeasing. If I could only find laser guns…it would change things very quickly. Ahhh my mind pajamas need some marmalade to reboot, alien stuff, fiction stuff, you probably have no idea what I’m talking about, but it does not better. Turning microwaves into frying machines, and squising jelly fish. Shooting color balls and climbing trees that’s what I need to be doing right now and right this second I’d rather be asleep.
Its not even 10 am yet and I am contemplating the writings of austin spare while sipping a large cinammon swirl coffee at borders. I have miles to go before I sleep, but here’s what’s a good thing to ponder meanwhile.
‘Death is the manufacture of life. A dream is a sore likeness of life. Death is a sore dream of life. Death being a living nightmare of life, has painful possibilities in the degree of unified consciousness.
If fate is life, then death is the hazard to alter fate. A world where will creates the afterthought in its own image. Study your dreams in this life, it may help you in the death posture.’
Okay so I’m a bit on a depressed note, but I’m fighting to my full ability and theories feed me. I’m late for a shoot, have to run.
This past week has been crazy and it’s still not over and I am sleep deprived and been busy working every day so far for the most part and its super strange, I keep on having all these whacko dreams and also every single thing I do feels like I am dazed in a dream itself and something strange is going on such a weird feeling. Maybe I’m just being paranoid and sleep deprived and miss being back home in california. I would really like to leave here right now and go back as I am also experiencing these periods of great depression and with everything added together I am headed down for the crazy month which already seems like its taking forever. Time! Where art thou when I need thee to flee past by like a warm summers breeze through my hair? Aight on a more serious note I’ve been too whacked out to do much writing or anything of the sort and am feeling very anti social and cold. I do however have some more books on quantums as in the next few weeks I am planning on spending lots of time reading and learning. Amen to that.
the waters are still.
still and dead underneath the icy fingers of black tree branches stretching over the shores that used to suffer boundless beatings of pernicious waves, now rest in dreadful silence.
now, we all rest in the dread of silence that we have created and praised ourselves.
it is all lies, the belief in reality and truth, it all means no more but a jot.
and in these strange days, these moments of corrupted minds and delusional thoughts of those that hung themselves in hopes of another hole in their already twisted, abhorred realities.
if you can stop time, if you can stand face to face with death and rip new dimensions within your minds ability, or better, the lack of one as you may never know what your mind contains, where then, tell me where, do you finally find yourself at ease?
take away all that man has to suffer, take away all that brings man happiness, take away all that a man has to feel, and yet that raw figure of a man would still wander. naked and alone, wander the paths that don’t particularly lead anywhere, just wander, as such confusion is the highest point in human nature, the biggest misunderstanding that somehow just can’t be tamed or for that matter ripped out of ones insides.
tear a man apart and his mind would still be forever lost in the vast labyrinths of cosmos.
what is this then? what are these things i need? for i know, and i have known all along that i don’t need anything at all. i know that through knowledge will i only obtain peace of mind, and through knowledge will i only lean that i simply know nothing.
nothing at all…
with all these things comes a simple understanding of unattainable matter. with all this comes an understanding that this just isn’t it, and with that i ask again, what were the thoughts of those that found suicide on their hands? for death, i also know, is a change in matter.
Alright so all the dispatchers, controllers, and any people that are in charge of new jersey transit and amtrak trains mostly concerning new york penn station are fucking morons. Yes!!! Hear me out, because you obviously lack a sense of…well, just about everything. Educate your employees please!!!!!!!!! Jesus fuck I can’t even begin to explain how pathetic these services are and how you will never make it anywhere on time. So this is my short mobile version of a tribute dedicated towards these services and how much hatred they provoke in me.
“Purge thyself of belief: live like a tree walking! Take no thought of good or evil. Become self-active causality by Unity of thine, I and Self. There is nothing more to be said. “I” – infinite space.”
a.o.spare
now off to castings! I just had this mere idea i wanted to share something of great inspiration and so i just happened to come across one of short Spare’s stories. Good stuff. very influential if you relate to it of course.
p.s. don’t eat anything white. i learned that from Doctor Oz. If it’s white, it’s not good for you.
Fucking hate it here. Weather and all, what’s up with these temperatures???? Well at least I stacked up on all these books to get me through the month, yupp, that should do it.
